The Two Different Types of Pride (The Second Isn't What You Think)

Photo by Alexis Nyal

One of my most surprising moments in Christianity was when I learned there were two different types of pride.

Of course, I knew about arrogance. Pride was always just arrogance to me. I was always careful to deflect everyone's compliments so I wouldn't be seen as arrogant...and so I wouldn't think too highly of myself.

Someone: "Hey, you're pretty smart!"

Me: "Nah, I'm really not. You definitely wouldn't be saying that if you followed me around all day."

Someone: "You're really good at that!"

Me: "Nah, there's a ton of people way better than me. I'm really not very good."

And then, of course, I had to make sure I didn't start thinking those things were true. Otherwise, I'd be prideful. So I'd quickly remind myself of why I'm actually terrible.

This is what I used to consider "humility."

I always thought this was okay—being really hard on myself, frequently criticizing my own actions, and agreeing with the voices in my head that said, "This is why you're not worth much."

I thought this was fine. After all, it does say in the Bible, "Don't think too highly of yourself than you ought," right? So berating myself is fine, because it means I'm safe from pride, right?

Wrong.

Actually, I realized when I was tearing myself down, I was being just as prideful as when I was being arrogant. You see, pride is actually the base problem that leads to both arrogance AND false humility.

Let me explain:

The Two Types of Pride 

#1. Arrogance:

Arrogance is straightforward. Arrogance is being consumed with thoughts of yourself. Arrogance is thinking too highly of yourself. When you have the base problem of pride, and you do something good, here's what happens:

• you do a good thing
• you start attributing that thing totally to yourself
• you start thinking way too highly of yourself 

Arrogance says, "I can do it on my own. I'm self-sustaining. I deserve more."


#2. False Humility:

False humility is the one we don't think about. It's the one that flies under the radar.

False humility is being consumed with thoughts of yourself, but these thoughts are all very low thoughts of yourself.

When you have the base problem of pride, and you do something bad, here's what happens:

• You screw up
• You wallow in self pity
• You beat yourself up over and over
• You constantly think about yourself negatively

False humility says, "I suck. I'm the worst. Everything about me is completely worthless."

The Common Thread between the Two

There's a common thread running through both of these:

They're both completely focused on us.

And "US" is not what we were made for. That's why it's so incredibly unsatisfying. We were made for more than that—we were made to focus outward.

That's the definition of true humility.

C.S. Lewis says, "Humility isn't thinking less of yourself... it's thinking of yourself less."

This quote completely blew my mind when I first heard it. Because I, like most others, would routinely tear myself down when I got a compliment—I thought it was the "Christian" thing to do. And I had no idea that my destructive self-critical thoughts were completely unhealthy.

Pride = Self, Humility = Others

The most important thing I've learned about pride is this:

When my focus goes from being outward to being inward, I'm being prideful.

That's the lens I look through when I look at pride now. "I'm so good" and "I'm so terrible" are both different forms of pride. 

I was completely floored the first time I realized this. But it all made sense, because they both end up making me the same amount of miserable.

How to Be Truly Humble:

Here are some new guidelines that have begun to cultivate true humility in my life:

• Stop thinking about yourself so much. When life is all about you, there's nowhere else to go but pride. It's either, "I'm so great" or "I'm so terrible." And neither are healthy.

• Make your life about God and others.  It's counterintuitive, I know, not worrying about yourself all the time. This is how we were made to work best. God wants our focus to be on Him and other people, not ourselves. 

• Stop attributing your successes and failures to yourself. Start seeing God's hand in both your wins and losses. That will keep you focused on Him, and not on you.

We were made for selfless living, says John Piper. He calls it "Christian Hedonism." It means finding your true joy and value in selflessness. And apparently, that's the way we were made to get real joy... Glorifying God instead. It's hard to do, but it's the way we will truly come alive.

And by the way—if you regularly beat yourself up...you owe yourself an apology. (Check AndreaLucado.com for a great post on apologizing to yourself.)