YL Leader Survival Guide, Chapter 8
There's nothing like a close relationship between a Young Life leader and a high school kid.
Intergenerational ministry is a beautiful thing. Its how generations of humans learned valuable life wisdom without having to make terrible mistakes of their own.
But amidst America's public school culture, Generations Y & Z are finding themselves increasingly without older mentors in their lives.
And that's where we come in.
Young Life and other youth ministries have stepped up to the plate, valiantly declaring that we would not leave these precious young people behind. As we gain the trust of our younger friends, we are able to provide them with unconditional love, wise counsel, and someone to go to bat for them in prayer.
And I know from experience on both sides that this carries immense life-changing power.
Amidst all the fun sleepovers, deep conversations, and freezing cold fall camp zip line experiences, however, we sometimes forget that we just aren't going to be there forever. Especially when we're in college. It's hard to ever imagine your college life coming to an end, but take my word for it: it does.
Things Change.
My friend Elise used to always say "Friends come for seasons and for reasons." I didn't want to accept it when I was in college, but now I realize its the normal cycle of life. People are around for parts of life, and then they move on. I've led a lot of high school people in six years of ministry, and I don't really get see or talk to most of them much anymore. Our lives have stopped being intertwined. I'm actually really sad about it.
Are your high school friends going to be ready for your departure?
Of course, they're not going to like it. Of course, you're "never going to leave them." But assuming you don't have time to facilitate their spiritual growth anymore, will it continue?
Before Steve Jobs died, he found someone to replace him as CEO of Apple. He made sure the company was in good hands at the time of his passing away. If he hadn't, who knows if the person taking over Apple would have the same vision for the company as him?
There will be a time when you will not be around to meet the needs of your high school friends. You have to find a place where your vision for them can endure, and get them plugged into that place. And don't let leader codependency be the reason that you don't encourage them be poured into by multiple sources. This is about them, not about you.
If you know you will be leaving one day, what can you do to set your friends up for success after your departure?
How about a Church?
Bingo. This is something we often forget about when we are out doing our campaigner groups, one-on-one meetings at Chick-fil-a, and just our overall lives within the Young Life bubble.
Some people don't have a ton of love for the traditional church, and I totally get that. But I guarantee you that somewhere around you there is a group of Christians you identify with, Christians that make you stronger and more yourself just by being around them. You need those people.
And your high school friends need that exactly as much as you do.
Notice that I capitalized the C in Church. This is because I mean the Church in terms of a body of believers, not the place with the pews and hymnals. Your Church doesn't even have to have a steeple!
We all know that without a community, people are weak and often go off the deep end. I've seen it in high schoolers, friends my own age, and definitely myself, too. We were made to need community.
If you're a leader of recently graduated folks, then get them into a college ministry: A church college group, RUF, Quest (not the hotline), Campus Crusade... anything, really. Unless its like a cult or something. Maybe don't send them to a cult.
The Starfish and the Spider
Work hard to create a Starfish Ministry, not a Spider Ministry.
When you cut off a spider's leg, the whole spider dies. But when you cut off a starfish's leg, not only does it grow that leg back, but the severed leg grows into a whole other starfish.
Ori Brafman and Rod Beckstrom wrote a leadership book called The Starfish and the Spider, based on this principle.
When you set yourself up as the head, and then you have to leave, what is going to happen? Be vigilant about creating a world that isn't 100% dependent on whether or not you are in it. That doesn't mean you have to not be their leader, but it might mean encouraging them to experience Christ in ways that aren't necessarily dependent on you.
And maybe they aren't ready for that yet, and that's totally okay. Chances are, if they're Young Life kids, they probably aren't. But it's all about having the Starfish mindset.
Work to create spiritual life in your friends that won't die when you remove yourself from it.
Do them a favor, and when they're ready, get them into the Church.
Acts 2:42-47 - "They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.
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