There's More to EVERY Kid

YL Leader Survival Guide, Chapter 5

It's been really fun for me to write about my experiences and takeaways from being a Young Life leader/church leader for the past six years.

I've been realizing, though, that I represent only a fraction of people who are/have been leaders. And I'd love to know about the issues, struggles, and takeaways that everyone else has experienced, because I want to be able to create something beneficial for the people interested.

So if you want to send me a message about something you'd like to see someone talk about or a certain situation you've dealt with or are dealing with and have no idea what to do, I'd love to hear about it. Who knows, maybe I'll write about it...

There's a little place on the right hand side of the page that says "Tell me what you're thinking." Feel free to do what it says and shoot me an email.........

There's More to EVERY Kid

You are going to encounter plenty of land mines in your ministry journey. Ask any leader who's been at it for longer than a few months... it happens. Some such land mines will probably involve situations involving specific guys or girls who may do one or more of the following:

-  make you feel like you are lamer than their math teacher

-  say no more than 5 words to you out of shyness, arrogance, or lack of social skills

-  say nasty things about you behind your back

-  make up a stupid nickname for you and refuse to let it die even though it doesn't even make sense

-  treat you exactly like they treat their parents

Obviously, there are plenty more. And they can do plenty of damage to your self esteem and your blood pressure. Not my blood pressure, though. Mine is always rock solid every time I go to the doctor. I get compliments aplenty for my blood pressure.

Here's what you need to realize though. The outside you see, the front that you experience when you're with your high school friends, that doesn't tell their whole story in the least bit. All it tells is the result. You see where they are, not where they came from.

You might feel differently if you knew where they came from.

A good friend of mine who leads Young Life told me a story about a kid who gave him this really annoying and slightly awkward nickname. Every time the kid would yell it across the hallway, my friend would think to himself, "Who does this kid think he is? Do I really just have to take this?" He heard it over and over again, week in and week out. On the outside, this guy just wanted to exert control over someone for his own enjoyment...

But on the inside, there was something else going on. He found out later that his high school friend had gone through something that nobody should ever have to go through. He had walked in on a parent who had committed suicide.


There's more to every story. There's more to every single person.


When we interact with someone, we experience only the tip of the iceberg of the human heart. We have no idea what is below until we go deep enough to see for ourselves... until we go down to find out where that person has been. And once we do, we normally get a clearer view of why things are the way they are. For instance, it seems natural for a kid who experienced trauma completely out of his control to begin grasping for control anywhere he can find it. Without Christ, what other choice does he have?

Add on the pressure of high school, and you've got a recipe for emotional disaster.


Sometimes I forget how intense high school was. Here's a picture I found that helps me remember:





                                           

(Taken from www.postsecret.com)

Scott Cash said it best in a concert at Windy Gap a month ago, when he said,  "Some people wish they were young again. I don't. I'd never go back to high school. The pressure is unbearable." It was followed by a chorus of amens from the girls at the concert. The guys were probably too embarrassed. Gotta look hard.

When you are dealing with ministry situations that are frustrating you, remember these three things:

High School is a breeding ground for pain, isolation, and insecurity. All human beings on this planet, ESPECIALLY ones who have gone through the American public school system, have emotional baggage. If not from their family, from their friends. If not from their friends, from their lack of friends. I often forget the depths that I came out of in my own life, where I was riddled with self esteem issues and had no confidence in myself after a few hurtful school experiences. I had a hard time understanding the deep need of my high school friends when I first became a leader until I remembered what I'd gone through.

You're only seeing the tip of the iceberg. "Don't eat that, you don't know where it's been!" Don't summarize the entirety of a person into a few frustrating experiences, because you don't know where he/she has been. Who knows what has happened to the people that we meet in the high school? All we know is that the world is a miserably broken place, and that world is their dwelling place. Don't judge a book by its cover, especially because...

Every person is made with a beautiful Original Design. This is the most important one. When you allow yourself to believe that someone is "just" mean or "just" annoying, you are both condemning that person in your mind and simplifying him/her to remain less than God's original intent for them. I'm guilty of this. Our friends weren't made to remain the twisted versions of their "true selves" that we see today, just as you and I have a greater future as God brings us further into our own Original Design. Learn to see them for the way they were always meant to be.


So next time you are wanting to punch a kid in the face... I'm not NECESSARILY saying DON'T punch them... well maybe I am. I don't know. What I do know is that all bets are off at 2:30 AM in the cabin at Windy Gap. But what I am really saying is this: there's more to that kid than you think.

Regardless of how you deal with frustrating situations, just be mindful of what is going on. There are people all around you who are trying everything they can to cope with pain and fear and self esteem issues and the cutthroat way high school is. They are devoid of Love. They need it, and you can give it. Sometimes love can be looking past things, and sometimes love can be confronting things. The similarity between them is that in both cases, you're staying around. Love your friends with a biblical love.


1 Corinthians 13:4-7 - "Love is patient, love is kind; love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."


Side Note: Remember you can email me on the right hand side of the page about anything you want discussed at some point. I'd enjoy hearing about it!