Prepare Excellently, Then Stop Beating Yourself Up

YL Leader Survival Guide, Ch. 10

My team dominated club while I was in college. "The Funnel" was funneling, downtime was methodically eliminated, and club ran smoother than the Sugar Cane Train.

After club we would talk about what we could do to make club run even more smoothly. We would talk about what could be improved on, and we didn't stop until club was a well oiled machine of efficiency. This is how you get a club so rockin' that it would make Jim Rayburn shed a single tear.

Just don't take it too far.

Young Life is about striving for excellence. But sometimes things go wrong. The ipod cord goes bad. Someone forgets something. The CD skips (as if anyone uses those anymore). When that happens, what are you going to do about it?

WAY #1: Stress about the little things and ruthlessly critique unforeseen errors.
"You should have brought an extra CD, Tommy! Now look at us, we have to play the game with NO MUSIC!" Poor Tommy. Who could have known the CD wasn't going to make it in that box of clothespins he had to bring for the game? It's an easily fixable situation for next time, but unfortunately there's no "Bye Bye Bye" to jam out to tonight. Therefore, when we think about club, we can only think about the way Tommy screwed it up tonight. We also stress about it all night and wonder whether anyone will show up to such a poorly run club next week.

WAY #2: Embrace excellence in our preparation, and stop beating ourselves up. 
So we had some downtime between songs because one of the slides was out of order, even though our new leader thought she put them in order. So what? If we prepare as well as we can, we don't have to stress about the little things that slip through the cracks. We can trust God, make adjustments if needed, and move on in faith. Besides, Gordon gave a great talk tonight. He always gives such great talks...

Obviously, my vote is for "Way #2." When things happen outside our control, do we really need to treat them like they're ruining our ministry?

Let's be honest, a high school kid isn't going to go home and say, "Yeah, it was pretty fun until there was that downtime between the skit and the songs. That pretty much ruined it for me." For the most part, they really don't care. Most of the time, high school kids come for you. They come because of your ministry and investment in them.

The little things are definitely important, and fixing little hiccups is going to make club run smoother, but our unforeseen errors aren't going to ruin God's plans. So we don't need to stress about them. We can fix them for next time, and be peaceful about the way God chose to move that night. It's okay to prepare excellently, execute as well as we can, and then surrender the rest to Him. It's really easy to try to control everything, but we just can't always stop things from going wrong. Don't let obsession over "the perfect club" change your joy into weekly anxiety.

Prepare excellently for club, and then don't beat yourself up if something goes wrong!

Remember, God is in control.

Isaiah 55:10-11 - "For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it."

Time

(This is a longer, more philosophical post. You have been warned)

For the past couple months, I have been hearing God's voice a lot more than normal.

The funny thing is, I have been asking for God to speak more loudly and frequently for a long time... for years, really. It's interesting how God waits to answer prayers. And it's interesting how we lose so much trust, faith, and hope when our prayers aren't answered in what we perceive to be a timely manner. I mean, if I was God, I would say,"You want me to speak? Well then let me just speak to you right now, here's a bunch of crazy stuff that I've been wanting you to know. In the sky, in airplane writing. There, that's about 19 of your problems solved, including that one about you doubting whether I exist sometimes."

It's really interesting how He doesn't do that, and how we just don't get it. So often, we just can't understand why He doesn't just speak now, or why he doesn't just heal us now, or why he allows growth to be so slow and often painful. Why can't He just finish us now?

My reason for writing this post is to communicate this: we do a lot of not understanding how God could be outside of time, but I don't think we understand time as well as we think we do. In fact, I think there's a part of us that longs for something besides time, as we know it.

We are fine with "time" until God tarries in giving us healing. We understand it perfectly until we begin to realize how strange it is that good things have to change. That fleeting moment atop the pedestal at the Olympics for Nastia Liuken when she won the gold for best all-around gymnast... it was awesome, but it's passed. She now has to look back on that moment forever. The moment that encompassed everything she trained for now lives on only in memory. It's not until time becomes our adversary that we begin to question it:

"Why do things have to change?" 
"Why can't I have what I desire now?"
"Why does God take his sweet time to address this area of brokenness in my life?"

God On A Different Schedule

Looking back at my life, It's almost like when I've asked God for something like more faith, or for him to teach me what it means to really love, It seems like He said, "I'm really glad you asked me for that. I'll put you down for a year and a half from now."



I don't know about you, but this doesn't always sit well with me. For whatever reason, the God who made "time" seems to enjoy operating within its constraints (go figure) by growing things instead of making them magically appear.  But I recently had a cool little epiphany: what if it's not supposed to sit well with me? What if part of us is made for another realm, where time is different; the realm He's prepared for us?

Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, "He he has set eternity in the human heart, yet no one can understand what God has done from beginning to end."

It sounds like there's a part of us that doesn't get time as well as we originally thought; and maybe there'a a part of us that understands whatever is outside time better than we think. I don't know about you, but I personally had a really hard time swallowing all the "forever" attached to God and Christianity. But now, it's one of my favorite things about God. Imagine a world where when something good happened, when you were in the most glorious part of your life, it could stay for longer than just that fleeting moment.  Imagine if something good never had to change!

I was talking to my cousin Marcus about this last night, and we realized why we've been so confused about God and time for so long. It's because we don't have the right vocabulary to talk about God outside time. WE are in time and space, a realm of constant change and motion. When I used to ask people in Sunday school how long God had been there, they would reply, "Well, Timothy, He's always been there." I went by Timothy until third grade. No big deal.

Always, huh? How does that work? Those were my thoughts growing up. But here's what I've realized about always: it's a "time word."  You can't describe something outside time with a word that infers time. If God's outside time, and we say he's "always" been there, we're just going to get more confused. But in some ways it's the best we can do, isn't it? It's hard to describe something that no one living has ever experienced, like timeless existence.

Often times God uses worldly metaphors, like "streets of gold," to describe things unfathomable to us; because he's putting it in terms we can kind of understand. Here's one such metaphor that helps me understand a God outside of space and time:

God, The Author

Imagine God as the author of a novel that He's made himself a character in. When you read through a novel, you experience time within the story, which is different from real life time. It doesn't matter how fast or slow you read, you still aren't missing anything you don't want to. You can read the same part over 5 times if you want; the rest of the story will wait for you.

Now imagine God, with His rough draft in His hand. He can flip to whatever page He wants whenever He wants, adding Himself in wherever He pleases, because He isn't constrained by the time of the book's storyline. In the same way we can do this with novels, it makes a lot of sense that God could plausibly do this with the story He's created.

This was Tyler Morris's idea, and I don't know where he got it. But if you're reading this... you rule, T-Mo.

Answered Questions

So when I see God as an author, and as I look into scripture, questions like these get less scary and more plausible:

"How can God be paying attention to and speaking to everyone at the same time?"
"If God made everything, who made God?" (Only in time do we need beginnings and ends)
"What do you mean, we will be in heaven forever?"


In Malachi 3:6, God says that he is unchanging. At the start of John, it says "In the beginning was the word and the word was with God and the word was God." Which is basically saying before God made time, He just was. Or, as He likes to say, He is. "Before Abraham was born, I AM" - John 8:58. And finally, my personal favorite is 2 Peter 3:8 - "With God, a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years is like a day." That one just throws time out the window... it's almost funny. I'll leave you to sort through those for yourself.

We definitely can't know everything about what time might be like outside this world, but it doesn't mean we can't try to create plausible and noncontradictory ideas about it!

It's easy to be scared of what heaven might be like. I used to be scared that I would be trapped in an unchanging picture frame after I died. But God's description of heaven is pretty awesome, and He made us; I think he knows we'll like it, whatever it is. To me, being anxious about heaven is like being anxious you won't like your Christmas presents when your parents can read your mind. They're sitting there saying, "Uh... we can read your mind. You're going to like it." Don't worry, it's probably not a picture frame.

Well, that concludes my philosophical rant about time. Let me know if you have any thoughts!

P.S. Young Life Leader Survival Guide will ramp up next week for just a few... more... posts...

The Underground River, Part II

So, Part One was a description of the "underground river," or the desires, hopes, and dreams that point to pieces of our original design. This post is about misjudging the direction of the underground river, which I personally am a professional at.

As I've embarked on my journey of digging for who I am and what I like and what I'm like, often times I've unearthed a small clue about a bigger unknown part of myself.   When this happens, I get really excited. Who WOULDN'T get excited?

But when I get excited, I have a tendency to make far too many assumptions about that bigger, still very hidden part of myself. I've habitually become so excited about unearthing the start of something huge, that I'd stop digging entirely and begin to plan a course of action around whatever I figured it meant.

My Real Life Example: YL Staff

When I was finishing college, God used some specific solitude times to make me passionate about lifelong ministry. And obviously, "lifelong ministry" could mean a whole freaking ton of things. But I knew that it could only mean one thing: going on Young Life staff.

I applied for Young Life staff, knowing that it was the logical next step. After all, I HAD been a leader for the past four years. I knew how to get kids jacked. I knew how to run a Young Life club.

To make a long story short, I didn't get affirmed to go on staff. And it was extremely hard. My self worth was thrown into question. What made me not good enough? Why am I worse than this other person who got to go on staff? The senior YL staffers who were responsible for making the decision were quick to let me know they were steering me in a different direction, and that it wasn't about worth, but I wasn't ready to hear that message. Because of course they were going to say that, I thought. It's the old classic "It's not you it's me, but it's actually you" routine.

All my eyes saw was a hypothetical Knoxville News Sentinel article, titled "Breaking: Tim Branch, Staff Kid, Doesn't Get Approved to Be on YL Staff."

To be brutally honest, I was embarrassed. All sorts of old self esteem wounds from my childhood and adolescence had opened up all of a sudden. I began to see my problems: I wasn't good enough at leading, I wasn't good enough at being charismatic, I wasn't funny enough, I wasn't good enough at saying the right thing at the right time.

But that wasn't really the problem.

The REAL problem was, God is way too passionate about me being EXACTLY who, what, and how I was designed to be to let me continue in a direction that's even slightly off base.

God is too excited about what He's creating to just let us do what we think we want. He loves us too much to give into our cries for what we think we were made for. Nothing can stand in the way of Him creating His masterpiece... not even the masterpiece itself.

I had plans to answer the call to lifelong ministry by going on YL staff. But I had misjudged the direction of my underground river. God had other plans, and they weren't to destroy my life and my confidence. He brought me somewhere tailored to my specific needs, the needs that HE knew were there but I didn't.

I took a high school internship position with Cedar Springs Presbyterian Church instead. I found out in my first months that God had created an environment to grow me in ways I never imagined. He addressed all sorts of strongholds that I had held onto as a YL volunteer leader, and He revealed to me some of my deepest passions and connection places. God had created this place just for me, from my coworkers to my bible study guys.

Here's What I've Learned

 When things don't play out how you want them to, it doesn't mean you are unimportant, and it doesn't mean you're a second string Christian. It means God sees the path to creating your true self, and you don't. And it's leading off somewhere that doesn't look like the trail.

God has a way of leading people into the desert, and THEN speaking tenderly to them (Hosea 2:14). He also has this habit of bringing about a death in order to bring about new, transformed life (resurrection).

But He doesn't always explain himself before he takes the liberty of blasting our life plans, dreams, and goals to smithereens, does He?

In A Traveler Toward the Dawn, John Eagan sets up an interesting picture. He talks about his metaphorical building of a house, brick by brick (Go Vols), stone by stone, for 25 years. As he finishes his work, God rolls up with a huge cannon and starts blasting away the house he worked so hard to construct, story by story, with a huge grin on his face. It's almost as if He's proud of his destruction. What are you doing, God??

This is how it feels so often, isn't it? Each of his calculated, life-destroying explosions leaves an intense ringing in your ears. But if you are alert enough, you'll be able to make out the exclamation, "I won't let you settle!" from the ringing.

Obviously, YL staff isn't "settling" by any means. But for me, the growth I needed would never have happened unless I took the internship at the church. And that's why the YL staff people steered me away. Because they saw that for me, it would have been slightly different than where my heart (and God) was leading me.

Here's a relevant poem my dad wrote:

Undone 

by Jim Branch

years and years of hard work
diligently putting it all together
piece by piece
thinking all is well
progress is being made

but then you
come and scramble the whole picture
leaving pieces scattered everywhere

you smile lovingly
as I sit in the middle of the mess
knowing that I don't know
knowing that I'm undone
and thinking to yourself
now that's progress


Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Proverbs 19:21 - Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.
21 

The Underground River, Part I

I know my last post was about digging. But there's a lot to be said about it, so I'm gonna keep riding the wave. I'm also going to split this one up into two parts, because there's a lot to say...

I've been doing a lot of digging into the mysterious inner wiring of my deep self, the stuff that's buried under layer upon layer of subconscious sediment, the kind of stuff that only hints at its true source through those numerous little "geysers" of wants and desires I feel in my daily life.

Why do I want the things I want? Why do I chase the things I chase so very hard? And what is it really that makes the objects of my desires worth it?

This blind faith that when I reach my goal, I will finally experience real happiness... where does it come from?

With these questions, I'm digging to find a spiritual undercurrent that might lead me to uncovering more of my Original Design. Some of the answers can be scary, but without them, how can I make it to the truth?

I want to lay out a metaphor for you.

The Thirsty Traveller Metaphor

A man was wandering out in the wilderness, looking for any trace of water. His map had led him astray, and it had been a long time since he'd seen another person or any real sustenance. He'd found a puddle on a rock here and there, but not enough to give any real life to his body. But at night, when he laid his head down on the ground to rest, he could swear he heard the sound of rushing water. 

The possibility of an underground river was driving him mad.

Finally, he decided to take his tools and start at the ground. If that sound truly was rushing water, then nothing was more important than getting to it. But it was a gamble. Would he lose time, effort, and sweat looking for something that wasn't there?

It didn't matter; he was sick of living puddle to puddle out in the wilderness. And besides, if he could just figure out the direction the water was rushing to, he would surely find an oasis...

His hands blistered and his tools blunted, the man used all of his waning strength to pull away the thick and sturdy layers of sand, dirt, and rock from the ground. He'd bet too much to stop now. He was all in. He dug for hours and hours, his muscles sore and his head spinning from fatigue and dehydration. And finally, with one of his scoops, his hole began to fill with sandy, gritty liquid. He had finally found the water.

But where was it heading to? 

It was time to keep digging, to get a direction as to where that oasis could be...

Our Original Design's secrets are at the mouth of a subconscious river. 

But which way is the river flowing? In order to get closer to the mouth, you've gotta know where it's headed.

My friend Pua and I were talking earlier this year about clothes (I know a lot about clothes (I don't)), and something interesting came up in the conversation. Pua is passionate about "fair trade" clothes, which, if you don't know, means she only buys clothes from companies who give their overseas employees fair working conditions. No slavery, no sweat shops, no malpractice. This can be more expensive than normal clothing prices, because honest work costs more.

At one point as we were talking, Pua yelled, "Why do I care so much about how clothes are made?!" And that's when it hit us. Pua's passion shows that her heart flows in a certain direction. There's something deeper going on, and her passion for fair trade clothes is that deeper thing rising to the surface. What could it be? That's the exciting part!

So how do I find a "river" to follow?

Your desires will give you a great starting direction. What do you want? What do you like? What do you wish for in your unedited thoughts? Why? Those questions help to uncover what your deep self is truly after. You can make some good guesses about where the oasis is if you can figure out where the river is pointing.

Just to be clear, I want to define the oasis. My oasis is the place in my relationship with God where my deep, unique, intimate needs are met by the parts of His personality that He designed me to uniquely connect with the most. These are the parts of Himself that He was most excited to uniquely share with me when He first thought about making me!

Here's my logic behind all this:

1. We all long for things (many of them unique), and we don't know why.
2. As a Christian, I believe that we were made for God.

If both of these things are true, then this is a logical assumption:


Each unique thing a person longs for is a CLUE to the specific parts of God that that specific person identifies with. And these parts of God are the places where he most wants to connect with each of us, in our special places not shared by just any other person. These are the parts that come alive in that familiar pleasurable/painful way when we watch that specific movie, or read that specific book, or hear that specific song. It's the underground river.

These places in which He's connected to me have been some of the most meaningful connections I've ever experienced. And we are all, of course, alike in many ways in how we were made to connect with God. But I'm convinced that God made us unique because he wanted to connect with us uniquely, too. That's what intimacy really is, right? What's intimacy without having something special between two people?

One of my biggest connection places with God is adventure... What are yours?


Follow the Stream to find out.