What About When You Aren't There Anymore?

YL Leader Survival Guide, Chapter 8

There's nothing like a close relationship between a Young Life leader and a high school kid.


Intergenerational ministry is a beautiful thing. Its how generations of humans learned valuable life wisdom without having to make terrible mistakes of their own.

But amidst America's public school culture, Generations Y & Z are finding themselves increasingly without older mentors in their lives.

And that's where we come in.

Young Life and other youth ministries have stepped up to the plate, valiantly declaring that we would not leave these precious young people behind. As we gain the trust of our younger friends, we are able to provide them with unconditional love, wise counsel, and someone to go to bat for them in prayer.

And I know from experience on both sides that this carries immense life-changing power.

Amidst all the fun sleepovers, deep conversations, and freezing cold fall camp zip line experiences, however, we sometimes forget that we just aren't going to be there forever. Especially when we're in college. It's hard to ever imagine your college life coming to an end, but take my word for it: it does.

Things Change.

Marriages. Jobs. Out-of-state colleges. City relocations (I just moved to Nashville, this happens).

My friend Elise used to always say "Friends come for seasons and for reasons." I didn't want to accept it when I was in college, but now I realize its the normal cycle of life. People are around for parts of life, and then they move on. I've led a lot of high school people in six years of ministry, and I don't really get see or talk to most of them much anymore. Our lives have stopped being intertwined. I'm actually really sad about it.

Are your high school friends going to be ready for your departure?

Of course, they're not going to like it. Of course, you're "never going to leave them." But assuming you don't have time to facilitate their spiritual growth anymore, will it continue?

Before Steve Jobs died, he found someone to replace him as CEO of Apple. He made sure the company was in good hands at the time of his passing away. If he hadn't, who knows if the person taking over Apple would have the same vision for the company as him?

There will be a time when you will not be around to meet the needs of your high school friends. You have to find a place where your vision for them can endure, and get them plugged into that place. And don't let leader codependency be the reason that you don't encourage them be poured into by multiple sources. This is about them, not about you.

If you know you will be leaving one day, what can you do to set your friends up for success after your departure?

How about a Church?

Bingo. This is something we often forget about when we are out doing our campaigner groups, one-on-one meetings at Chick-fil-a, and just our overall lives within the Young Life bubble.

Some people don't have a ton of love for the traditional church, and I totally get that. But I guarantee you that somewhere around you there is a group of Christians you identify with, Christians that make you stronger and more yourself just by being around them. You need those people.

And your high school friends need that exactly as much as you do.

Notice that I capitalized the C in Church. This is because I mean the Church in terms of a body of believers, not the place with the pews and hymnals. Your Church doesn't even have to have a steeple!

We all know that without a community, people are weak and often go off the deep end. I've seen it in high schoolers, friends my own age, and definitely myself, too. We were made to need community.

If you're a leader of recently graduated folks, then get them into a college ministry: A church college group, RUF, Quest (not the hotline), Campus Crusade... anything, really. Unless its like a cult or something. Maybe don't send them to a cult.

The Starfish and the Spider

Work hard to create a Starfish Ministry, not a Spider Ministry.

When you cut off a spider's leg, the whole spider dies. But when you cut off a starfish's leg, not only does it grow that leg back, but the severed leg grows into a whole other starfish.

Ori Brafman and Rod Beckstrom wrote a leadership book called The Starfish and the Spider, based on this principle.

When you set yourself up as the head, and then you have to leave, what is going to happen?  Be vigilant about creating a world that isn't 100% dependent on whether or not you are in it. That doesn't mean you have to not be their leader, but it might mean encouraging them to experience Christ in ways that aren't necessarily dependent on you.

And maybe they aren't ready for that yet, and that's totally okay. Chances are, if they're Young Life kids, they probably aren't. But it's all about having the Starfish mindset.

Work to create spiritual life in your friends that won't die when you remove yourself from it.

Do them a favor, and when they're ready, get them into the Church.


Acts 2:42-47 - "They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

If You're Isolated, You're in Trouble

  by  laszlo-photo 

YL Leader Survival Guide, Chapter 7

What's the difference between a strong leader and a weak leader?

Ok, it's not as simple as that. But I'll tell you one difference: A strong leader has a healthy, thriving community. A weak leader doesn't.

Strength in Numbers

Community, a stalwart source of all sorts of spiritual sustenance (say that out loud), is your insulated overcoat in the blistering, ruthless tundra of the ministry field. None of us are stronger by ourselves than we are with a group of people who are committed to caring for us. Because when we are weak they keep our minds clear, encourage us, and remind us of our worth.

As different members of the Body of Christ, we each have a role to fill in a group. The body needs every part available to it to function at peak efficiency. Every part is vitally important. Givers, encouragers, teachers, counselors, etc. freely give their nourishing gifts to strengthen the entire group. And each member needs what every other member brings.

Going lone wolf, especially in ministry, is a recipe for disaster. It's like a quarterback walking onto the field by himself. It's like me trying to drive without my prescription eyewear. Do you really want me to drive on the same road as you without my prescription eyewear?

Here's a helpful scouting report, though. The enemy works to destroy community. So if you want it, you're going to have to fight for it.

The Fiery Arrows of Isolation

Back in the days of swords and bows, armies would shoot flaming arrows into an unsuspecting enemy's camp. But the main use of this strategy wasn't to kill people... it was to cause complete havoc. It was to separate the camp. The attackers knew that an army marching together was much more fearsome than a bunch of isolated soldiers, far from the instruction of their general.

This is how the enemy attacks us. Fiery arrows of isolation keep us from experiencing community. When a person becomes isolated, a person becomes weak.

What do your arrows look like? If the arrows had names, what would they be?

It's Time To Dig Deeper.

Don't be fooled. Community is not just hanging out with people. Community is intentional. It continues outside of team meeting and bible study, and it's one of the sweetest things there is. And often times we don't pursue this higher standard because we don't know there really can be more.

Do you feel nourished by your community? Because if you don't, the people in your group probably don't either.

A good, honest conversation might lead you to openness and depth you've never experienced before in a relationship with a specific friend. I've had some awesome conversations with my close friends about how I desire deeper, more meaningful friendship with them. In my experience, these desires are almost always reciprocated; often times, they were thinking the same thing, but neither of us had said anything!

 Be free to speak about your hopes and desires.  It often leads to deep, newfound spiritual companionship. Don't be afraid to step towards a good friend into deeper relationship; you both might need it.

You're going to have to fight for fruitful community. But it's something worth fighting for.



 Proverbs 27:17 - "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 - "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him - a threefold cord is not quickly broken."

Galatians 6:2 - "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

It Doesn't Have to Look a Certain Way

YL Leader Survival Guide, Chapter 6

Well, thanks to the lethal combination of moving cities (I am now a proud resident of Nashville) and the predictably inept services of Comcast, I seem to be a little late with this one. So far, our service has been nothing short of Comcastic.

#downwithcomcast

side note: One time, my cousin's TV, powered by Comcast, was frozen on the word Comcastic for three full hours while he was trying to watch a movie. Now that is funny.

Moving is always a lot crazier than you think it's going to be. It's an opportunity to change your scenery, your habits, and to some extent your definition of who you are. I have a habit of leaving things behind places, and so naturally my moving experience was filled with realizing I was missing things, and then sending a request that items left behind either be shipped or stowed away somewhere, along with an apology. Welcome to my life. I plan to leave that habit behind.

Thanks to Lani Short for the email you sent; your email provided a great starting direction for this post!

We talked about diversity, and how we need to embrace our differences as strengths, as assets to our ministry. But we haven't yet talked at length about how each unique ministry is an incredible asset to the overarching ministry in the school. These are the necessary parts that hold Young Life as you know it together at your school. Just like you are needed, the different looking ministry that you or a friend might have is necessary for that school to be redeemed by God's specific strategy of redemption for that school. You are part of that strategy.

It Doesn't Have To Look A Certain Way!

In fact, each ministry probably shouldn't look exactly the same, unless you have identical leaders pursuing identical kids...

But that's probably not the case.

Ministry is normally a pretty unique thing; unique leaders pursuing unique kids mainly leads to a very unique situation. And any time two things are different, we humans enjoy assigning "better" and "worse" tags to each of them.

Maybe you've noticed that less of your high school friends come to club than that other girl on your team. Maybe your kids don't come to club at all. Maybe they'd never set foot into the door even if you offered to pay them the minimum hourly wage that they make scooping ice cream at Ben and Jerry's on the weekends. I've had plenty of high school friends that were not interested in coming to club at all. But they were interested in me. At least, they were at least a little bit interested in me. they wouldn't have hung out with me if they weren't... right?

Ministries are inevitably going to look different, but the question is "Is this okay?" Is one ministry better than another because one group is ecstatic about Campaigners and one group laughs at the leader for suggesting such a silly thing? Is one person's ministry more powerful or more important than the other because more kids stood up at say-so? WHAT'S THE MEASURING STICK HERE???

The Short Answer

Yes, no, no, and maybe you should get that measuring stick idea out of your head before it kills you. Trust me on this one... I think very mathematically, and I am well acquainted with the measuring stick. It's a sham. People and ministries can't be plotted on a chart.

 The Long Answer

Sadly, self consciousness plagued my ministry for a good portion of my volunteer Young Life leader career. I looked at the ministry of other leaders and saw not only more kids, but kids who would actually say yes when their leaders wanted to hang out. What??

My question was "what am I doing wrong?" But my deeper question was "What's wrong with me?"

The lie here was that something's wrong with me because I don't see the specific results that I think I'm supposed to see. But we need to vastly change our mindset: What does success really mean?

"Leader A" wears his Kavu visor to class and brings a frisbee for afterwards in his Patagonia backpack. He's in all the skits, and his campaigner group meets every Tuesday night. His similarly dressed high school friends call him to hang out; they've been a part of Young Life for a long time, and they pretty much rule the school. It sometimes seems to the other leaders that their kids wish Leader A was their leader instead.

"Leader B" goes into the lunchroom once a week and sits with some gothic kids who either don't speak to him or make fun of him. He doesn't fit the mold of a normal YL leader, because he is a 40 year old career leader who has to use his lunch break to go to the high school to hang out. He arrives there in his business attire, which provides kids with excellent fodder for jokes. He doesn't have a lot to say, and he is ignored by most of the high schoolers in Leader A's group because he "just isn't that cool."

In a results based mindset, Leader A would be a much better and more successful leader than Leader B. Because Leader A has results, right? You can see them! But not so fast, my friend. Let's dig a little deeper into the way we see success by the way we measure results.

Lusting After the Results 

"Getting a lot of kids," or "kids being drawn to you," or "having a lot of kids at club/camp" have become extremely imprecise measurements of the work of God that have been given too much favor in the ministry culture; they easily become like a currency in our minds, which is just plain unhealthy. The amount of high schoolers that are excited to see you when you walk into the school is probably the LAST thing that should be considered a measurement of success. That tells people God's not at work because high schoolers aren't talking to them. and the underlying unspoken cause seems to be because they're just not good enough at what they do, or that they're doing it wrong.

Let me tell you something. If you are busting your tail to be available to high school kids, to show them through your actions, love, and words that Jesus wants to invite them into new life, you're not doing it wrong. Both Leader A and Leader B are doing something really important of equal value. But you probably already knew I was going to say that...

Instead of trying to conform your ministry to what you think it should be, based on the results you wish you had, that maybe God doesn't wish you had, be free to make your ministry a unique expression of yourself. Your ministry can reflect you! Don't feel shackled by a need to produce results, as defined by you. 

God is solely responsible for results.

And they aren't always the kind you are expecting. Be free to pour yourself out without the need of seeing a campaigner group forming or seeing your friends at club! Success isn't defined by those terms to God. Success is obedience to Him. Some of the coolest ministries I've ever seen were unique ones that ended with nobody ever coming to camp or club...

But that's the trick. Giving yourself permission to let your ministry be what it's trying to be, without contorting it to be a cheap knockoff of something else you think it should be.

Ministry Entrepreneurship

I am going to draw a connection between two things that you may not have seen connected before: entrepreneurship and ministry.

Letting yourself have a ministry that doesn't look like someone else's ministry is scary. It's straying from the "safe" beaten path. But I want to challenge you to be a ministry entrepreneur. An entrepreneur is constantly looking for an unfilled need or an unfulfilled niche that he/she has the means and the desire to serve, and when it's found he/she has a new business concept with a lot of potential. In order to find that niche, an entrepreneur must think outside the box and find a way to serve a group of people in a way other people haven't done so before... or to serve like-minded people in his/her own special customized fashion.

That's where these specialized ministries like Young Life come from in the first place, someone finding an unfilled need and creating something to fill it. That's where Young Lives, the ministry for teen parents, and Capernaum, the ministry for the mentally challenged, came from. Ministry needed to look different for them, and so someone created something new, just for them.

But it doesn't even have to be that drastic; You can be a ministry entrepreneur too. Take inventory of your strengths, and be free to explore all the space between the lines of Young Life, or whatever ministry you are a part of. Maybe that means hanging out at the park skateboarding with your high school friends instead of going to football practice with the other leaders. Maybe that means letting your love of music loose with some kids who love it too. Maybe it even means hanging out with a group of disinterested kids instead of club some weeks. Don't be afraid to let your ministry look different. (But... maybe ask your team leader for permission on that last one.)


Your personality produces your unique brand of ministry, and that brand of ministry is extremely valuable to your team. Why? Because "valuable to your team" doesn't and shouldn't mean numbers at club, or numbers at camp, or numbers of kids that give you an unsolicited hug when you walk into the lunch room. Value to your team means value to the Kingdom of God that He is building up in preparation for eternity. People of all types are invited into the Kingdom of God... and people of all types desperately need ministries of all types. Imagine a Young Life club that acted as a hub for all these different ministries... Pretty cool!

Here are some main ideas to sum up:

Be yourself.
Let your real self out, and stop telling it that it needs to be more like that other guy or girl. This was the hardest thing for me to do as a younger leader, because I just didn't believe that "myself" was worth very much. Learn from my mistakes and don't end up trying to jam a square peg in a round hole for three years.

Find the people YOU connect with.
Allow your real self to start making real friends. Listening to God is paramount here. And trusting him. You probably aren't always going to connect totally with the people you're called to, but hey, ministry is messy sometimes. Maybe start with some people who like things you like. And once you have some people in your sights...

Customize your ministry out of YOUR own strengths to fit THEIR needs.
When you connect with someone, you normally have some things in common. Find those out, and you'll have a basis on which to build your ministry; it often feels like ministry builds itself from there. Then you'll have ACTUAL friendship. I don't know if I realized that real friendship was the way Young Life was designed until my third year of doing it. Oops...

Young Life is a coming together of these smaller ministries.
This is how you make a club look like the school. A club that's a hub (a hub club, if you will) is a rockin' place to be. When I was placed at Carter High School, the athletes, the band kids, the honors calculus class, and the deer hunters all came together on Thursday night and sang Don't Stop Believin' as loud as they possibly could with their arms around one another. It was beautiful.

So, while the pressure to conform to one "brand" of ministry is definitely there, remember that many ministries look wildly different, and they are all still extremely valuable. Your ministry team needs all the different brands of ministry available to it so that it can serve the multitudes of different kids that may walk through its doors.


Ephesians 4:11-13 - So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.


P.S. Here's a question for you to answer in an email on the right side of the page, if you like: What is the most challenging part about your ministry this year? I will reply as promptly as possible. APAP.

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There's More to EVERY Kid

YL Leader Survival Guide, Chapter 5

It's been really fun for me to write about my experiences and takeaways from being a Young Life leader/church leader for the past six years.

I've been realizing, though, that I represent only a fraction of people who are/have been leaders. And I'd love to know about the issues, struggles, and takeaways that everyone else has experienced, because I want to be able to create something beneficial for the people interested.

So if you want to send me a message about something you'd like to see someone talk about or a certain situation you've dealt with or are dealing with and have no idea what to do, I'd love to hear about it. Who knows, maybe I'll write about it...

There's a little place on the right hand side of the page that says "Tell me what you're thinking." Feel free to do what it says and shoot me an email.........

There's More to EVERY Kid

You are going to encounter plenty of land mines in your ministry journey. Ask any leader who's been at it for longer than a few months... it happens. Some such land mines will probably involve situations involving specific guys or girls who may do one or more of the following:

-  make you feel like you are lamer than their math teacher

-  say no more than 5 words to you out of shyness, arrogance, or lack of social skills

-  say nasty things about you behind your back

-  make up a stupid nickname for you and refuse to let it die even though it doesn't even make sense

-  treat you exactly like they treat their parents

Obviously, there are plenty more. And they can do plenty of damage to your self esteem and your blood pressure. Not my blood pressure, though. Mine is always rock solid every time I go to the doctor. I get compliments aplenty for my blood pressure.

Here's what you need to realize though. The outside you see, the front that you experience when you're with your high school friends, that doesn't tell their whole story in the least bit. All it tells is the result. You see where they are, not where they came from.

You might feel differently if you knew where they came from.

A good friend of mine who leads Young Life told me a story about a kid who gave him this really annoying and slightly awkward nickname. Every time the kid would yell it across the hallway, my friend would think to himself, "Who does this kid think he is? Do I really just have to take this?" He heard it over and over again, week in and week out. On the outside, this guy just wanted to exert control over someone for his own enjoyment...

But on the inside, there was something else going on. He found out later that his high school friend had gone through something that nobody should ever have to go through. He had walked in on a parent who had committed suicide.


There's more to every story. There's more to every single person.


When we interact with someone, we experience only the tip of the iceberg of the human heart. We have no idea what is below until we go deep enough to see for ourselves... until we go down to find out where that person has been. And once we do, we normally get a clearer view of why things are the way they are. For instance, it seems natural for a kid who experienced trauma completely out of his control to begin grasping for control anywhere he can find it. Without Christ, what other choice does he have?

Add on the pressure of high school, and you've got a recipe for emotional disaster.


Sometimes I forget how intense high school was. Here's a picture I found that helps me remember:





                                           

(Taken from www.postsecret.com)

Scott Cash said it best in a concert at Windy Gap a month ago, when he said,  "Some people wish they were young again. I don't. I'd never go back to high school. The pressure is unbearable." It was followed by a chorus of amens from the girls at the concert. The guys were probably too embarrassed. Gotta look hard.

When you are dealing with ministry situations that are frustrating you, remember these three things:

High School is a breeding ground for pain, isolation, and insecurity. All human beings on this planet, ESPECIALLY ones who have gone through the American public school system, have emotional baggage. If not from their family, from their friends. If not from their friends, from their lack of friends. I often forget the depths that I came out of in my own life, where I was riddled with self esteem issues and had no confidence in myself after a few hurtful school experiences. I had a hard time understanding the deep need of my high school friends when I first became a leader until I remembered what I'd gone through.

You're only seeing the tip of the iceberg. "Don't eat that, you don't know where it's been!" Don't summarize the entirety of a person into a few frustrating experiences, because you don't know where he/she has been. Who knows what has happened to the people that we meet in the high school? All we know is that the world is a miserably broken place, and that world is their dwelling place. Don't judge a book by its cover, especially because...

Every person is made with a beautiful Original Design. This is the most important one. When you allow yourself to believe that someone is "just" mean or "just" annoying, you are both condemning that person in your mind and simplifying him/her to remain less than God's original intent for them. I'm guilty of this. Our friends weren't made to remain the twisted versions of their "true selves" that we see today, just as you and I have a greater future as God brings us further into our own Original Design. Learn to see them for the way they were always meant to be.


So next time you are wanting to punch a kid in the face... I'm not NECESSARILY saying DON'T punch them... well maybe I am. I don't know. What I do know is that all bets are off at 2:30 AM in the cabin at Windy Gap. But what I am really saying is this: there's more to that kid than you think.

Regardless of how you deal with frustrating situations, just be mindful of what is going on. There are people all around you who are trying everything they can to cope with pain and fear and self esteem issues and the cutthroat way high school is. They are devoid of Love. They need it, and you can give it. Sometimes love can be looking past things, and sometimes love can be confronting things. The similarity between them is that in both cases, you're staying around. Love your friends with a biblical love.


1 Corinthians 13:4-7 - "Love is patient, love is kind; love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."


Side Note: Remember you can email me on the right hand side of the page about anything you want discussed at some point. I'd enjoy hearing about it!

What Causes Leader Territorialism?

YL Leader Survival Guide, Chapter 4

Here's a healthy thing to consider: have you ever gotten confused about who actually needs who in your relationships with your high school friends?

A while ago, I had a leader from a church tell me a peculiar story. She went to visit some of her high school friends in the lunch room. She was overjoyed to be met with excitement and hugs from the girls she knew. Then one of the girls said, "Hey, do you know our Young Life leader?"

"No, I don't, hey, it's good to meet you!"

"Oh, hey," the leader replied, then gave her the why are you talking to my girls look, and walked off.

The high school girls were a little bit confused. "Did you see that? What was that all about?" they asked the church leader.

"Ehh... I'm not sure," she replied. She felt a little strange and sad, like some sort of competition had just been started, where just seconds ago she was elated about the idea of a new counterpart in ministry. She wanted a ministry partner, and instead got a turf war.

What causes us to say "Get off my turf!" as opposed to "Yes! Reinforcements!" in these situations?

While there are definitely healthy reasons to spread out, I think our own neediness far too often plays a big role in saying the former.

Young Life leaders (and other student ministry leaders) are some of the bravest people on the planet in my mind. They charge into cafeterias, student sections of the bleachers, and other minimally attended sporting events, laying their pride on the line at every juncture necessary to weasel their way into the seemingly closed systems of high school friend groups.

But when a person, no matter how strong, puts his/her heart on the line like that to give his/her friends a chance to hear about Jesus, the sad truth is that there are simply a lot of ways insecurity can creep in. Self conscious thoughts about how funny we are(n't), how hard it is for us to carry a lunch room conversation, and whether we are good enough to even be doing this in the first place begin to plague our time around our high school friends. We start looking at other leaders, wishing we were like them. We compound our problems by lusting after other leaders' "success stories" and trying to find a way to become more like them.

All too often, these insecurities will cause something strange to occur. We start using our high school friends as a measuring stick for our worth. We let interactions with high schoolers determine how cool/funny/interesting/worthy we think we are in life (Didn't we get enough of this in high school? We've already paid our dues, friends...).We develop this desire to be desired, this need to be needed, this want to be wanted around. And when we need that, we become as needy of feeling important to our Young Life kids as they are of our leadership and guidance. This often leads to leader territorialism.

But let's just call it what it really is: a form of codependency. 

When we have the need to feel needed by the people we minister to, it often leads to leader codependency. We find a group that satisfies both our need of personal approval and our need to feel successful (due to our investment), and we just latch onto it as an energy source. We become understandably hostile when our security blanket of feeling important is in danger of being stripped away by someone else. "They're going to take my place!"

Here's something embarrassing: Leader codependency is also why some of the leaders I knew, including me at one point, refused to go after anyone but the popular kids. Because it was like a second chance to be popular in high school. It was another way way we could bolster our insecurities about our deep selves by having other people endorse us by wanting to be around us. It's one thing to pursue a kid because you connect with them. But I distinctly remember finding high schoolers similar to the people I wish thought I was cool in high school and trying to make them think I was cool as a Young Life leader. Dang, that's a hard one to admit to the public. And thankfully, it was just a phase. the healing truth came about eventually...

What do we do about it, though?

Check your security blanket. Is it something it was never meant to be? If God sent someone to take your place, would you lose the only thing that makes you feel worth anything? We weren't made to be fueled by the approval of others. It's never satisfied us in the past and it won't satisfy us now. I know from experience that when I let the enemy redefine success as "whether I'm beloved enough by those I minister to," my entire ministry not only becomes solely about me, it becomes a desperate grasp for approval that just doesn't fill me like it advertises it will. It is unsurprisingly a recipe for ineffective ministry... A healthy leader is able to give without needing from high schoolers.

Fill yourself with God. He dispels lies and frees us to be truly us, at our best. Spend time with Him frequently (this doesn't have to look a certain way), and allow praying and listening to Him to be your highest priority. Higher than contact work. Higher than your need to be needed by people, which comes from a beautiful place deep within us of wanting to be significant, but it's just twisted up a little bit. You'll be pleasantly surprised to find that everything you need for your deep self is part of God's personality!


Know the truth about yourself. You are valuable to God. He celebrates you at all times, and you were made to be filled by His celebration instead of the celebration of people. If you don't know why He celebrates you, figure out why, because it's true. Whether your high school friends think you're the coolest person on the planet, or whether they would rather hang out with the principal than with you, your worth just doesn't come from last week's interaction with 16 year olds. They have enough insecurities on their own plate to explain pretty much anything they do as a way to make themselves feel better instead of trying to bring you down because they think you suck. And even if they do think you suck... Why do they get to decide that? Your worth is in the fact that you were made in God's image (Genesis 1:26). How can you deny your worth when you can go home, look in the mirror and squint, and see a completely unique expression, albeit a broken expression, of the God of the universe?

For you new leaders that may be thinking, "I knew it was fine for me to just hang out with my team leader's seniors! Yayyyyy now I don't have to meet new people," don't get ahead of yourself just yet. There are two sides to this coin. The unhealthy territorialism is a need to be needed, but the healthy territorialism is a response to Matthew 9:37: "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few." If you don't know how rare it is for high schoolers to have any sort of mentor in their lives telling them about what's really important, what is healthy, or anything about Jesus, then let me tell you.

It's really, really, really rare. Painfully rare.

There are too many kids that don't have a solid role model in life for four different leaders to pursue the same kid. We as YL leaders spread out for the sake of the broken world; they need us to spread out. That doesn't mean four leaders can't be friends with the same kid... just because someone already has a friend doesn't mean they don't need another friend. But just remember... "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few."

So spread out! But above all, listen to God. Allow chunks of time in your day to listen to God. If your main goal is to do exactly what God tells you, you'll be sitting pretty. You won't have to worry about whether you're in the right or wrong place.  Let your need to feel successful, a healthy need, be satisfied by the real success: you followed God's call. Let yourself be celebrated by God for this success, and be filled by that celebration!



Galatians 1:10 - "For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ."


Luke 10:2-3 - "He told them, 'The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves."

Prayer Is More Necessary Than You Think

I'm going to go out on a limb right now.

I am going to commit to writing one post per week.

At least until I mess up... which given my previous level of consistency could be until... next week...

But I enjoy writing these a lot, and I think that I'm learning as I'm writing as well. Thanks for reading!

Without further ado...

YL Leader Survival Guide, Chapter 3

Prayer is the best chance we have at changing anything in this world.

Here's the problem though: we don't really always do it very often.

We've all felt what it's like to take kids to camp, tell them about Jesus, and then have those kids who just "committed their lives to Christ" pretty much run off and do the same stuff they always used to do. That is, if you've taken kids to camp, you've probably felt that. Even if you haven't, think about a time when you poured into a high schooler and then they just basically turned around and did the opposite of what you were hoping they'd do.

One of the enemy's most potent lies is making us feel like we are responsible for this happening, that we're failing our friends and failing God when our high school friends run wild and refuse salvation. It frequently leads us to thoughts like these: What have I done wrong? What can I do to fix this? How am I so terrible at this? Am I wasting God's time out here? How are other people having success and I'm not?

I want to be a voice that shouts the truth over all these lies. So listen up.

As we begin to take responsibility for the refusal of our friends to embrace the Gospel, we begin to try to fix the problem ourselves. We try harder, and harder, and harder to get them to club, and to get them to open up, and to hang out with them all the time. Those are all great, and I've seen God speak to high schoolers over and over through all those things... But without us knowing it, our priorities begin to shift. We begin to care more and more about whether our high school friends think we're cool, or open up to us, or want to hang out with us. The lie that we are responsible for saving people puts tons of undue weight on every little thing we do. And you know what? We just weren't made to shoulder that.

Here's the thing, guys: You can't save anyone. You can't make God's spirit move in the lives of a high schooler. You can perform exactly zero eternally significant things in high schoolers' lives without the movement of God.

This is a good thing. For real. If you've ever felt the weight of that responsibility, you know that it's not meant to rest on our shoulders. When God told you to be a YL leader, that responsibility wasn't in your job description. That's His job.

Lean in close, because I have a Young Life trade secret for you that will revolutionize the way you do ministry: Prayer is the best shot you have at bringing any lasting change to the high school friends you love. Not making sure they see you catch a football with one hand before club. Not being extra funny. And honestly, not even spending hours and hours per week hanging out with them is truly going to bring the fullness of the change you desire to see in their lives. Think about it: If the only one who can truly change hearts is God, and if The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective (James 5:16), then our main strategy has to be intercession. Because through Jesus' blood, we are righteous before God.

Wanna go to bat for your friends? Do it through prayer. Lots of prayer.

In fact, I wouldn't put it past God to not bring our friends to salvation until we start praying. He has done weirder things than that...

What if our priority was prayer even over contact work? Is that even okay?

Here's something I know about God: He loves the quiet, the unknown, the heartfelt cries of His people that nobody hears but Him. Why does He love them so much? Because that's where the real work gets done. That's where the real heavy lifting happens in the building of the Kingdom of God. When God's people commit to prayer and start throwing their weight around, that's when stuff starts to happen.

I know that some people like to say, "What even is prayer? He's just going to do what he wants anyway if it's his will, so me asking for something isn't going to make a difference."

It just doesn't feel like it's making much difference sometimes. And we can't always see the difference. And we sure don't like not being able to see the difference, do we?

Here's the thing. That is the opposite of what the Bible says about prayer. We see all over scripture places where people asked God for things, and He changed his mind. Abraham talked God down to sparing Sodom and Gomorrah if there were 10 righteous people there. Which there weren't, but he was really just wanting Lot to be spared. And God brought Lot out of the city. Job's friends had to ask Job to pray for them before God would forgive them at the end of the book of Job. Moses talked God out of destroying his people when they turned away from him. Those are just a few examples of people asking for things in the Bible.

 "But what if they hadn't asked? He would have done the same thing anyway because it was his will."

There is really no such thing as "what if." There's one way that things have happened, and there's one way that things are going to happen. You can't say "what if they didn't ask," because they did ask. That was the story. The story is that they did ask, and because they asked He decided to do it. "what if" is a moot point. Therefore, ask, knowing that what you ask God for matters to him! We truly do influence things when we pray.

Here's the other thing: You need prayer for yourself. Badly. In order to make sure you are spiritually healthy, which as it turns out is mission critical when it comes to ministry, you need to be communicating back and forth with God. We were made to need to pray. That's why we are commanded to "pray without ceasing," because it's something our spirits need. My team leader enjoyed sharing this quote frequently with our team: "If you aren't being fed, then those who are feeding off you will eat you alive." So... stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

"Prayer is to our spiritual lives as breathing is to our physical lives. If you're not breathing, you're dead. If you're not praying..." - T. M. Moore


Young Life leaders, be free from self condemnation based on visible results! Commit yourselves to praying for your high school friends, your team, and everything else God puts on your heart, believing that God acts upon your prayers. Don't listen to the voices that say you aren't doing enough. If listening to God is your main priority, in Young Life or out of Young Life, your obedience should provide peace of mind. Care for yourself well by staying connected to the Father, so that you can be a more clear picture of Christ to those you minister to. Don't be fooled into thinking that you don't need to pray about your ministry frequently, because "Ministry without prayer is the highest form of arrogance." Don't be tricked into feeling like you must shoulder more responsibility than you need to... otherwise it gets really easy to start selling God to people instead of listening, obeying, saying what God puts on your heart to say, and then letting Him do the heavy lifting of the heart, which only He can do.





James 4:2 - You do not have because you do not ask God.

Hebrews 5:7 - During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission.

1 Timothy 2:1-4 - First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings, be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way. This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our savior, who desires all people to be saved and come to the knowledge of truth.


Jeremiah 33:3 - Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and hidden things you do not know.

Ephesians 3:20-21 - Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever. Amen.

Diversity is Necessary

I mentioned last time that I wanted to compile a few hard-learned lessons into a survival guide; this is the second installment. 

The thing I want to write about is incredibly easy to forget, especially during all the highs and lows in the ministry field. But it's an incredibly important thing to keep open conversation about, so I'm going to break the ice and start writing about it. So get ready.

YL Leader Survival Guide, Chapter 2

Here's something you've no doubt heard before: Comparison is the thief of joy.

I would love to say that comparison's work stops at taking our joy. Unfortunately, this fun little phrase we use is the understatement of the century... ESPECIALLY for people in ministry like Young Life leaders. I wish it had stopped at stealing my joy. Comparison takes vibrant, green, growing ministry and turns it into rotten, dead wood filled with termites and other nasty little insects. It takes a beautifully diverse leader with the tools to connect with high schoolers no one else can, and turns him/her into an insecure mess, doubting the worth of his/her Original Design and trying to destroy or muffle his/her own unique song in order to instead become a cheap knockoff replica of someone else. 

I bought a pair of Beats by Dre (normally around $300) in China. They cost me $6. They looked similar until I held them, realized they were made of plastic instead of metal, and heard their $20 sound quality (I still came out on top. Thanks, China). I've noticed that when I try to be someone else, even though I'm dang good at imitation, I can only get about that close to the beauty of the real thing.

Out of all the strategies the Enemy employs against people in ministry, this particular tactic has to be the most terrifyingly effective out of any that I had the severe misfortune of experiencing first-hand.

Let me go ahead and show you a classic example of how this can play out as a YL leader, and you can decide for yourself if it sounds familiar.

You begin your Young Life tenure charging into the ministry field on your white stallion, pumped up both by God's call that you've obediently followed and the gratitude/celebration of your new ministry teammates. Everything is awesome; you're on top of the world.

You and the other new leader enter the high school for the first time with the same nerves as a UT freshman cornerback, straight out of high school, lining up to guard his first real opposing adult man receiver in front of 100,000 screaming Neyland Stadium fans. The older, more experienced leader you came with senses your anxiety and comforts you and your counterpart with some words of wisdom that he was told when he first entered the school. You and the other newbie pump each other up, pray a quick prayer together, and then launch off to start meeting people.

The bell rings and students flood out of the doors. As usual, the Young Life leaders move to intercept. You both meet about 60 people within the first 5 minutes, and in the flurry of mnemonic name memory devices and nervous bad jokes, you begin to notice something.

The endless waves of people you are meeting seem to be stopping to talk, laugh, and carry on with the other new leader significantly longer than they did with you. In fact, he already has a growing circle around him of people you wished had stopped to talk to you longer, because they were all really cool. After a while, the condemning deductions begin. He can talk better than you. He's more outgoing than you. They're all gravitating to him instead of you. Everyone's being polite to you, but they really just want to talk to the other new leader. He's got that something and you don't have it. And it all leads up to the climax, the end result, the sum of all the parts. Something's wrong with me. What's wrong with me? What do I lack?

This is the start of something super not fun...

From this point on its a downward spiral of trying to be more of someone else as much as you can every day, instead of trying to become more yourself every day. And this happens under the radar because we don't realize we're believing something untrue, and we DEFINITELY don't realize what the actual truth is. And here is the cornerstone lie that drives that motivation: Because of the way I am, I'm unable to bring Christ to these people in a meaningful way. I am failing, I'm not good at this, I'm not enough. My desire and efforts to help grow the Kingdom are in vain. If only I was like THAT, maybe I could actually make a difference and be worth anything on this ministry team. We get tricked into thinking we are failing both our teammates and those we are ministering to. And even worse, we get tricked into thinking we're failing God.

Here's the first of many, many problems with this way of thinking. When we think about ministry like this, we assume that there's an ideal person that everyone needs to be as much like as possible. In other words, we assume that in ministry (and in life... let's be honest, it bleeds into the rest of our lives) everyone falls along a 1-10 scale of how good you are.

I lived with that view of the world for a long time. But now that I have learned the things I've learned about God's Original Design for each person, that notion really just makes me want to go start setting things on fire (I have to hand it to arsonists; they seem to have a very effective way to vent their anger).

What about diversity? What about the body of Christ?

Everyone is most certainly NOT valued on a linear scale such as that. In fact, the reason why God doesn't want us to compare ourselves is because we don't even belong on the same scale. Instead of this completely inaccurate 1-10 scale, we need to compare people like this: that person is a painting, that person is a book, that person is a song, and that person is a movie. Nobody says "that painting's way better than that book," because they don't belong on the same scale.  And here's the best part: when you combine a movie and a song... both works of art benefit and become even better than they were before. That's how people are, and that's the beauty of the body of Christ. People are too different to sum up on such a linear scale, and we all know it deep down inside...

This is what I'm hoping to convey: Diversity is necessary. The stereotype Young Life leader isn't necessarily the "prototype" Young Life leader; the "prototype" Young Life leader is a person who is both called and willing to give themselves away to minister to high schoolers. Leaders come in all shapes, sizes, and types. Because that's how the kids come. You don't have to be like someone else, because if you do, you lose out on the attractiveness you have to kids like you who need you. Contorting yourself to fit into a cookie cutter dilutes your power to make a difference in the world, because it dilutes your Original Design. Be free to be yourself. If you feel the need to change, feel the need to change more into who you truly are, and grow into the unique skill set that lies latent within you. I guarantee you, your ministry team needs that skill set. That's how the body of Christ was made to work. If you believe everything in the Bible is true, you are literally required to believe that you don't suck.

Don't be afraid to be a trailblazer. Don't be afraid to be different from what a "normal leader" looks like. The best leaders are genuine leaders. Many of the most successful leaders I've ever seen were just normal people who were willing to get ridiculed for being goofy or weird, and simply kept coming back. And success doesn't mean campaigner's groups, and it doesn't mean high school popularity (when will we grow out of wanting it???). Success simply means obedience.

Romans 12:4-5: 4 Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

1 Corinthians 12:17-26: 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? 18 But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. 19 If they were all one part, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, but one body.21 The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" 22 On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, 24 while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, 25 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.